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The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will
be the official language of the EU - rather than German (the other
possibility). As part of the negotations, Her Majesty's Government
conceded that English Spelling had some room for improvement, and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language
and reclassify it as EuroEnglish.
The agreed plan is as follows:
In year 1, the soft 'c' would replaced by the 's'. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be replaced by
'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less
letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome 'ph' is replaced by 'f'. This will reduse 'fotograf' by 20%.
In the 3d year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of the silent 'e's in the language is disgrasful and they should eliminat them.
By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with
'v' (saving mor keyboard spas).
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be applied to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil have a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no more trubls or difikultis and evrirum vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!.
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