Sports & Cars

A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks,"Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say  4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
After that, all the other players on the team began screaming,..."Come on coach, give him another chance!"
 

The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator received a phone call. The woman on the other end asked, "How much do funeral notices cost?”
"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.
"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, write this: 'Cohen died.'"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."
"Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that." A moment of silence. "Got your pencil and paper?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, print this: 'Cohen died, Cadillac for sale.'"

Three men died and went to heaven.
 At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter told them that the determining factor of what vehicle they will drive in heaven will be based on how faithful they were to their wives while alive on earth.
 St. Peter asked the first man, "How faithful were you?" The man answered, "I was married 15 years and cheated on my wife a number of times." St. Peter said, "Okay, you will drive a Volkswagen." He then asked the second Man, "How about you?" The man answered "I was married 20 years and only cheated on my wife once." St. Peter said, "Okay, you will drive a Taurus." He then asked the third man, "How faithful were you to your wife?" The man replied, "I was married over 50 years and never cheated on my wife even once." St.Peter said, "Okay, you'll get a Rolls-Royce." After a few days in heaven, the three men meet at an intersection and the man in the Rolls-Royce was just sitting there crying. One of the other men said to him, "Why are you crying? Here you are in heaven, driving around in a Rolls-Royce. What could you possibly have to cry about?" The man in
 the Rolls-Royce said, "I just passed my wife going the other way and she
 was on a skateboard."